I am sort of terrified.
It’s not in the palm-sweating, hyperventilating, adrenaline-pumping, blood’s-running-cold sort of way. It’s much more quiet and deep-seated than that.
Today I am reopening the Gollywhopper3 file. Today, I will continue writing the first draft. Today, I will need to start falling in love with my main character.
Oh, he’s likable, all right. He’s strong and tough. He has a certain sensibility about him. He’s deeper than people may know. Right now, though, he’s just an acquaintance. I need to find a way to fall completely head-over-heals over this guy.
What makes it particularly hard is the fact that I have just finished my second round of editor-directed revisions for Gollywhopper2 and I am fully aware of my relationship with Cameron. He has his quirks and his flaws. He exasperates me and yet I want to hug him to bits and tell him what an amazing kid he is.
But last week, I said goodbye to Cameron for a while. I need to forget about him, leave behind a fully sculpted, fine-tuned character and face this new lump of clay. Do I have the tools to shape him? Do I have the talent? Have I started with the right kid? Can I find the humanity in his heart? Can I find his heart? Will I ever be able to love him for all his quirks and flaws? Will I ever be able to love him for the way he exasperates me?
I am sort of terrified. And so I write.